andrea
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Post by andrea on Dec 27, 2018 23:47:55 GMT -5
It's been awhile since I complained about my mother-in-law, but she is just as evil as ever. She arrived last week and immediately proceeded to criticize every single thing I do. She is constantly in my face over everything. Criticizes everything I eat, everything I cook, everything I buy, everything about my house, etc. She also demands to know everywhere I go and everything I do. I finally made a couple snide comments back at her and stopped answering all her demands. I am 49, and I definitely do not need a babysitter or her approval or permission for anything!
However, now she has decided to completely and blatantly ignore my 12 year old daughter while worshipping my 15 year old son. I assume she is doing it to make me mad, but I just can't believe that even she would do that to a kid. My daughter suffers from horrible panic attacks, and this definitely doesn't help. She is constantly asking me what she did wrong.
I feel like my husband should tell her to stay in a hotel until her flight back to England on 1/1 since she can't be respectful to our daughter, but of course my husband is too afraid of her to do anything and acts like nothing is wrong.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.😡
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Post by Catbatty on Dec 28, 2018 2:41:36 GMT -5
Andrea, What a horrible position to be in! Sounds like she has some mental illness to me. And your husband is so used to her being that way, he probably can't see it. (OR, in order to survive...after all, he's human, he probably wants to have a mother, he has had to think it's just her way, she means nothing bad by it, etc.) How sad. HOWEVER, I don't mean to be harsh, but really: he has a duty to you and his kids. It's YOU he is also choosing to ignore (besides just her horrid behavior with you and your daughter, I mean)...you: his family. I'd have little patience. I'm sorry. She would not be welcome in my home...no matter what he says. And that's that! Go with momma or be my children's father and my husband. Choose. I'm awfully brutal, I know. But DANG! Somebody has to have some strength around there and it looks like that's been left to you. (Certainly not his momma... I would not give her that power.) Course, my mother-in-law often made me nuts...but it later turned out that she had some form of dementia that we now think lurked within her for decades before it finally took her life. He would always tell me: she doesn't mean anything mean or bad. (That thought always helped me. She was not an evil person. She's just say very odd things and some were hurtful. It came and went. On the other hand, she was the only human I knew that felt sorry for Tanya Harding...here in Portland. That surprised me. She did understand the tragic and the hurt. It showed me how kind she really was; I remember not expecting that from her. Enough about me and mine. Yours sounds so different. I actually liked and enjoyed my mother-in-law much of the time. She knew how to joke around and laugh, even at herself.) I think I would draw the line with them both--if it involved my kids. Sorry.  I don't like it and I don't want it and I won't HAVE it. Over her. I've tried. I'm stopping now! Editing to add: Idea -- He has options... he can go visit his mother in England.  And if she insists on seeing her grandson, well....there's always Skype. Or, I guess: no. If she can't be kind and loving to both, then perhaps distance from both kids is in order. What a situation, Andrea. It's so hard, I know. You want to do best for those you love. I think you have all the right in the world to be upset and even furious! Big hugs. Catbatty |
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andrea
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Post by andrea on Dec 28, 2018 19:11:21 GMT -5
Thank you so much for your understanding!!! I was really starting to question myself for feeling how I felt. I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said! I felt like I was going explode all day at work after getting a text from my daughter again about MIL blatantly favoring my son and ignoring her. I texted my husband that we needed to have a conversation as soon as I got home. I came home and told him that I absolutely will not tolerate her mistreating our daughter like this and that he needs to put a stop to it now. I told him that I will be kicking her out if it happens again. It still bothers me that she would think like that though, and that even if she is nice to my daughter that she would just be faking it. She has such unbelievable nerve to come as a guest to my house and act like this.
It also annoys me that my husband just doesn't seem to grasp the severity of this. In his defense, he is the most mellow, non-confrontational person I've ever met, but COME ON! He needs to at least protect his children. Ugh!
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Post by Catbatty on Dec 28, 2018 19:34:24 GMT -5
Yeah, I'm married to a passive man, too. I wonder if they learned to be that way BECAUSE of their super-strong moms. But you are ok with her treating YOU the way she does? You intend to just tolerate that I take it?
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andrea
> 50 posts
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Post by andrea on Dec 28, 2018 20:38:08 GMT -5
I have been snapping back at her rude comments to me which has shut her up quite well. I think it has taken her by surprise since I have always tried to keep the peace. I've discovered that the nicer I am to her, the ruder she is to me though. When I was making some stuffed shells, she walked by and mumbled that I was using way too much garlic, despite knowing nothing about what I was making. I replied "well, you don't have to eat any!" I have since stopped doing any cooking and won't resume until she goes home. I will NOT cook anything else for her. Last night my husband made her a hot dog. 🤣
Regarding the situation with my daughter, I told my husband that it is important for her to hear from HIM how unacceptable her behavior is. I told him if he doesn't, that I will. And it won't be pretty. And she'll be sitting at the airport until her flight on Tuesday.
A little while ago, I heard my daughter saying "NO!" very loudly to my husband. Turns out he was trying to force her to show his mother her sketches from her art class. Seriously??
I definitely think she caused this passiveness. Looks like we'll be having another conversation.
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Post by wallycat on Dec 28, 2018 22:57:29 GMT -5
I do not envy you. Family dynamics are THE worst. DH's ex-wife came here to visit a few years ago and it will be the last time. Talk about rude, insulting and hyper-self-centered. I pulled her aside and gave her the riot act because DH would not stand up to her. Of course, she is nice as can be in front of him. Still...back to your issue...if you plan to keep her being invited annually or more frequently, I would, at the dinner table, casually say..."I just need to vent because" ....and then have at it. As kindly and calmly as you can say it, point out to her that you have been taking care of your family and doing very well, thank you. That picking favorite grandchildren is small and only hurts the innocent kids, that you will tolerate her in your home because you love your husband but that you will stand up for your family. End of. Alternatively, you can pull her aside (as I did with his ex) and tell her all of this and then inject the fact that this has been unnecessarily stressful for you and though you want her to be able to spend time with the family, she will have to find housing while she visits, elsewhere. Set times for meetings will be made and that you refuse to subject yourself and your family to her holier than thou antics.
SO sorry to hear the stress in your post.
If you confront her in front of your DH and the kids, it will show them that being strong and assertive can be done positively and your daughter will realize it isn't her "fault" for what her grandmother spews. Good luck.
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andrea
> 50 posts
I have made 77 posts
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Post by andrea on Jan 2, 2019 11:39:44 GMT -5
She has finally gone back to England. My husband did speak to her, and her behavior was a little better the last few days, but I don't think she is capable of acting like a normal person. However, her final act at the airport was to give my son $20 and my daughter $5. 😡
If that stress wasn't enough, last Friday my SIL threw my brother out of the house and he ended up moving into my house too. Found out all kinds of crazy things that I never knew about him.
I definitely need a trip to a remote island for a couple weeks.
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Post by swedishcook on Jan 2, 2019 15:16:15 GMT -5
I'm glad there is now an Atlantic between you and your MIL.
Hope your brother's stay will be very short. .
(((Hugs)))
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Post by PattiA on Jan 2, 2019 15:31:33 GMT -5
I'm so sorry that you and your family have to deal with this turmoil.
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I don't like it and I don't want it and I won't HAVE it. Over her. I've tried. I'm stopping now! 
And if she insists on seeing her grandson, well....there's always Skype. Or, I guess: no. If she can't be kind and loving to both, then perhaps distance from both kids is in order.
